june 3, 2021
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Hi friends,
I hope that you're well.
Over the past few days I've met for follow-up appointments with my whole oncology team at different points and everyone agrees that my pathology results from surgery are the good news we were anticipating!
- the tumour was less than 1mm in size, which means the chemotherapy did its job beautifully. It was originally between 2-3cm.
- there were still pre-cancerous cells in the tissue, which means surgery was good and necessary to prevent reoccurrence
- there was nothing found in the lymph nodes, which doubly confirms no need for radiation and means no indication that the cancer had spread anywhere else
Hooray!! This is what were expecting to hear based on pre-surgical scans and tests, but it's awesome to have it confirmed and is certainly worth celebrating :) Such an answer to prayer!
I will continue with the herceptin/immunotherapy treatments every 3 weeks through January 2022, which is the last step to prevent reoccurrence and to get rid of any other HER+ cells that may linger or try to regrow.
As this end to active treatment arrives, I'm feeling ready to bring this Caring Bridge blog to a close.
I have been tremendously grateful for this space to share, to be encouraged and held up by such a beautiful community of friends and family. I profoundly wish I could look each of you in the eye to tell you personally how much it has meant, how much of a difference it has made to have you bear witness to this season and the ways God has been speaking to me through it.
It's not new for me to be writing down my thoughts and prayers; Jesus and I have been hanging out that way for a long time. But it has been new to share it so widely, and the sharing has led to a different kind of learning and impact for me that I am so thankful for.
I was thinking today about the verses in James 1 that say "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds," which seems like a super weird thing to say, and for sure can be misunderstood or applied... but read it again here:
...when it seems as though you are facing nothing but difficulties, see it as an invaluable opportunity to experience the greatest joy that you can! For you know that when your faith is tested it stirs up in you the power of endurance. And then as your endurance grows even stronger, it will release perfection into every part of your being until there is nothing missing and nothing lacking.
I can assure you, lol, that there is no perfection to be found here. Still very regular :)
But I get it - I feel the pieces of 'the greatest joy' and the heartiness of endurance and carrying on that have resulted from this season. I can see the difficulty of this season as a gift in the beautiful upside-down way that Jesus works, and I am truly thankful for it even while my body recovers and bears the repercussions and scars.
There is joy because of Jesus - and because of the beauty, hope, and enduring goodness that he has brought forward in the middle of the difficulty. This is not just the right thing to say, or a platitude to wrap things up nicely - it's the really real. I would do it again, knowing that Jesus will draw me, and maybe also you, closer to his heart as a result. Not that he intends pain to draw us near, never. But instead, in his goodness and mercy, he never allows the pain to go to waste, and I am so grateful to know new depths of his love & truth having lived the wild ride of these past months.
The last piece for now is that actually this part of the story doesn't end for me, not totally.
Active treatment is over, but screening will carry on. I have MRI's and other tests already booked through the summer & fall to continue to check for cancer in other parts of my body. The Li Fraumeni realities mean it's never fully over. And oh, it would be easy to let fear slowly creep back in; in fact, I'm sure it will from time to time.
However, that is not the story of who I am.
I was talking with my sister about how when we're sharing about our family history, or even just the recent things we've been processing or walking through, cancer is undeniably a reoccurring theme.
It's not the story we want to have; it's not really the story we want to tell. But it is a rather significant piece of our lived experience, and unfortunately has the potential to continue to be so.
And yet, it in no way defines who we are; we choose to not let it dominate the narrative of our lives.
Cancer can be a character, but God will author our stories.
We choose Jesus as the centre of who we are. He is our story, and even more, he is our song!
My sister gave me a mug a few years ago for my birthday and it's my very favourite.
It reads simply: "Give me Jesus."
I love the regular, early morning reminder of the simple, consistent prayer of my heart, regardless of what the day may hold.
As I continue to recover from a cancer diagnosis, Give me Jesus.
As life carries on through seasons of difficulty & amazingness, with all the versions of the both/and, the now and the not yet, Give me Jesus.
For whatever may come or not come in future days, Give me Jesus.
How I pray that the story and song of my life will always point to Jesus.
His is my all and I am wholly his.
Blessings on you friends as we leave this space together xo
I am truly grateful for you.
