february 9, 2021
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Good morning friends -
I'm all packed and ready and we're going to head out shortly for the hospital.
Thanks for your prayers and the love that has already come flooding in and I know will continue today and in the days to come.
I was up a bit last night, due more to a perfect rhythm of one child awake after another more than with worry :), but thinking about how God has been teaching me with patient consistency that there is permission and beauty to be 'both/and' to be in the balance, to be ambivalent, or feeling all the things at once :).
I think I often feel frustrated with my head and my heart that I can't just stay solidly in a place of experiencing the joy of the Lord as my strength or being rooted and unshaken in his peace & promises... but actually my frustration I think has stemmed from a misunderstanding about what that really looks like...
I am afraid, and I am courageous.
I am worried, and I am confident in God's provision.
I am weak, bodily & in spirt, but I am strong in the Lord.
It's not about overcoming, pushing down, denying or shaming the real, regular and healthy feelings that come with difficulty, but instead there is a beauty, abundance, freedom & joy that is truly found as I open my hands with all the real-life pieces and say Jesus here I am. Come.
And oh, how he does xo
In the Springtime I was a part of a group that was doing some contemplative practices together online. One of the weeks we walked together through a Lunar Practice - a paying attention to the moon's cycle as a way of marking, remembering, noticing the things that God is doing and saying.
The moon comes to a fullness, wanes to nothing and then comes again... and so on and so on... a never ending waning and coming that promises both a continued need and a continued provision.
The waning is a loss, a lessening, a letting go - but not for the sake of wallowing or denying what is happening - instead the emptying makes room for newness, or fullness to come afresh.
God brought it to mind again last night and sure enough I looked this morning and today is the final day of this moon's waning.
I am empty, but I am ready for the new fullness and life that will come from this particular season of waning.
Trusting today and feeling an abundant peace that can only be God's hand upon me.
Love to you friends xo
Ready to go :)
