february 19, 2021
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good morning lovely people :)
Thanks so much for your kindness and encouragement.
I sometimes quickly forget the things that God is teaching my heart - one of them being that of course he is at work in the midst of all of this, including using my rambling, as it were, to encourage and draw others to him. I think that I sometimes doubt myself as part of that equation, but I know that I shouldn't. I want to remember, daily, that I am his, and in all the craziness that is me, as I open up to share the things that he is doing and speaking, of course there's goodness there too. So thanks for your part in helping me to hear it again from him :)
This week has been fast but pretty good overall. I have been feeling much more like myself the last couple of days - a bit of a run-down version of myself :) but still so grateful to have reprieve from the pain.
It is a bit tricky now to continue to remember that resting is the thing that I'm doing. As some awareness outside of my own body returns, I quickly see all the things that could be done, and it's frustrating to be so quickly drained and back to just sitting. However, these are not large problems, and I am so thankful to have had a week of more time with the kids, some connecting with friends, and doing a few small jobs around the house.
I still have two full weeks before my next round of chemo starts, so I'm hopeful that my energy will continue to improve and we'll have some normal-ish days before jumping back in again. I am anticipating that my hair will start to fall out in the next week sometime. I really want to not care about that, but of course, I'm regular :) and I'm sure it is going to be a bit upsetting. However, thankful again that God will meet me there, and that while not desired, it's a temporary thing to adjust to and will grow back. I was joking with the kids about how it's possible that it will grow back quite different than it is now - maybe blond or red! It's like an ultimate-makeover that no one would ever choose ;) Joking aside though, all will be well I'm sure.
I've had an old Jars of Clay song in my head for the last couple of weeks; it's actually a 'hidden song' at the end of their album, which was out circa 1995... a little bit ago :) It was my sister's favourite for a while during high school and was often playing in our basement bedroom hallway.
The lyrics in the song are from the verses where the band gets their name, 2 Corinthians 4:7:
We have this treasure in earthen vessels;
To show that this power is from God and not from us.
Yesterday I was reading more in chapter 4 and there's all kinds of goodness there - drawing out the truth that when others are encouraged through our lives it is a wonderful partnering of God's glory shining out through us - and that our fragility is not a weakness in that equation at all, but in fact is part of the plan to reveal the true life & vitality that comes when we're walking in step with Jesus.
The goodness that is found here is Jesus.
The goodness is me, made beautifully by God.
The goodness is Jesus in me; a beautiful partnering of his Spirit with mine, a picture of how God chooses to be with us; a perfect love.
I wonder if you have a hard time seeing yourself as part of the goodness sometimes too? Do you think that your own fragility, shortcomings or mistakes somehow negate your beauty or your ability to show God's heart to others?
Because you'd be wrong :) Let me assure you in this moment, as someone who has literally almost no ability to do anything right now lol :) You are lovely. And God has made you beautifully to be loved by him, to be known fully by him, and to be used by him to share his heart & hope with those around you.
You are more than able to hold, experience, and share the treasure & abundance of Jesus' heart just as you are.
In fact, you were made to do just that.
What a glorious truth xo
Praying you let Jesus speak it to your heart today. And I will too :)
And it doesn't even stop there - the chapter in Corinthians wraps up with other verses I have found encouraging and important in the last few weeks too - a shifting of our perspective to remember the future hope and promise that also grounds our purpose now. It's both again - now and forever. Weakness and glory. Beautifully upside down - surrender that leads to freedom.
That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day.
For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
